Mean Gurls (overheard at SideTracks)
I sit, dumbstruck, as I listen to their conversation.
Unavoidable decibels assailing my ears as I occupy the stall.
"OH Puleeze mary! Can you believe they hooked up? I mean, really! How long have they known one another, like five minutes?"
"Oh my god! I KNOW!"
"Did you see what he was wearing? It's like LL Bean and J Crew had incestual relations and birthed a drooling child!"
"Ha Ha!" Chortle, giggle, gasp
"You are SOooo MEAN! Its why I love you!"
"I'm not being mean, bitch! I'm just stating the obvious. I mean cargo pants with Timberland boots, a golf shirt, and flannel? Is he trying to channel Rosie O?"
"You are so right."
"And let's not forget Mr. legend in his own mind, was that a jersey???"
"mmm hmm."
"They deserve each other. I mean, GOD! He hasn't even looked my way in all the time we have known each other, and in walks Butch and PRESTO"
"Exactly. Don't let it get to you. Neither one of them is worth our time!"
"Well, you know butch has a lover, right? For like twenty years or some shit? Wonder what he thinks about all this"
"They have an open relationship, from what I've been told..." (giggle)
"Yeah gurl, like a fucking Seven Eleven!"
"Oh stop it! I can't breathe! Don't make my laugh lines deeper, bitch, I'm trying to get laid!"
"Oh, please Mary, neither one of us is ever going to get laid. We aren't good enough!"
"Me-ooow. Retract those claws sunshine."
"I'm getting out of here. I refuse to engage. Besides I need to work on my webpage."
"Yawn! Why don't you just permanantly detach your penis and lock it in a drawer?"
"Might as well, for all the pleasure its provided lately."
I hear them air kiss and exit the bathroom.
I stare at my buckskin, timberland boots and shake my head.
tater
14 Comments
Reader Comments (14)
Hmm. It's always amusing how subtlety in those types is hugely prized, though painfully lacking. I don't know, at forty years old I've given up caring what the bitter party of one contingent is thinking / doing / saying / fucking. Though I am conscious of relative positioning. Those that spend their days around an acid beaker usually make quite the toxic disaster when they forget to mind the boil. Being careful is just good sense.
How awful!
They know they'll never get laid, and are self-aware enough to know why, yet don't change their behavior.
Anyway, I hope the sex was awesome!
Snorting coffee is somewhat painful you know..
And I thought the girls room at the high school was toxic! Damn..
J. Crew is hot. Those bitches are missing out. I once dated a guy who wore Timberlands. Usually with a denim shirt and old jeans. Lets just say he was good in the backwoods.
Heaven help me if those 2 pisspots ever see me! Though I am less J.Crew and Aberzombie and more Levi's and t-shirts on sale at Marshall's.
Doralong is right, those characters were worse than a couple of high school girls and I did laugh, though at them and not with them. I'm too fashion impaired.
Tater, I can assure you I was no where near Chicago on that night! ;-)
Hold my purse, I have to go fuck these two up.
Tell the truth - those two bitches were wearing pink Izod shirts with the collars turned up weren't they? Nothing like projecting one's insecurities upon another person huh? Stupid, trend-sucking, sissy-mary-la-la's'!
People really talk like that in real life? That dialogue is so incomprehensible to me that they could be speaking a foreign language. I wear cargo pants with Timberlands, and I've never been in an LL Bean or J Crew store in my life. Nor have I ever seen their catalogues. Seriously, who would even want the approval of guys like that, anyway?
Thank you for reminding me why I don't enjoy going to Sidetrack!
Oh my God is Sidetracks still there? That was our favorite bar when we lived in Chicago - well okay Laurent lived there and I showed up every weekend. That was back in 1992-4; and I'm glad to see the conversations haven't changed. God how we loved Chicago.
@willym: Sidetrack will still be there even long after civilization collapses. It'll be the only place left for Cher and her backup cockroach singers to headline.
OK, The thought of using the toilet at Sidetrack grosses me out. haha
i want to live in a world where people are generous and kind. and then i lapse into bitchitude myself and want to slap myself silly. is it human nature? this innate viciousness, the sharp tongue? a sharp wit? what is it? from the age of 12, when gary johnson announced to all of the rest of us at the popular kids' table that we no were no longer to speak to krista because "she doesn't have good clothes," i have rebelled against these casual, superficial, hateful judgments. i rebelled by wearing a navy blue jumper every day of the week throughout 7th grade. and still, still, i am prone to bitchy, nasty, wicked, funny-as-hell little comments. i want to be nice, i am mostly, but i fail. and when i do, i'm even more judgmental about folks like these bitches. ugh. life is constant struggle, yes?
OMG, can I just say that as the girl who ran in the drama club and wore peasant skirts and fishermen sweaters with leggings and desert boots, I totally want to be Lynettes best friend.
But since it is my first comment on your site Tater, I will simply say that sometimes the most telling thing about observations of personal behavior, like the one you have documented here, are the responses to it.